Wishing you were somehow here again...

Well, I guess an update is in order.

Things have been good lately. It seems as if I went through a phase there for a while where nothing was going right. My parents almost divorced (which thank God that they are back together and all seems to be well again...i hope), I was close to finding another job (there was some drama about, but things are smashing now!), things just were not good and they were not going the way I wanted them to. But I guess that is life. There are times where we can't always get what we want. But God said that He would never leave me or forsake me. And I am thankful that he has been my rock in hard times. If it were not for Him and his provision, I probably would've broken down through the hard times. I guess it is like a song I've sang before: "Even in the hard times, even when I feel pain, my mind is made up; I'm gonna praise Him anyways."

On another note, I dislike pridefulness. I thought of saying right there that I don't like prideful people, but I like the people, I just don't like it when they are prideful about things. Musicians are the worst. I am sorry to anyone who reads this if I have ever been prideful in any manor towards you. Please forgive me, I'm only human...which I also realize about other people as well. I just feel that I need to write about this. So not to long ago I sat through my first "Ego meeting" (thats EGO, not EGGO--the breakfast food--is that really considered a waffle anymore?). I was sitting there listening to reasons why I should stay in a group that had lost its passion. Or should I say, its passion has become its purpose. What once was a good thing, turned sour. It stopped being passionate about the music and became more focused on money and what not. I guess you could label the reason I am leaving is for "creative differences" or something. No, I take that back. I am leaving because I don't want to pursue a career in that quartet. Now, before you go and jump to conclusions, I would like to state my reasons for leaving this group. I don't care what you say about me because of this. This is just how I feel. My reasons:
1) As stated above, the group lost its passion for the music and the groups purpose (to make money) started to become its passion.
2) As the end of the year approaches, my life becomes more hectic. I dont feel as if I can commit to all the events that the group wants to do (caroling and other "gigs") as well as the bi-weekly practice which I must drive a ways to do so. So timing is an issue for me right now. I sat down this weekend and looked at my calendar and what events I am "booked" for (various choir performances, work events, house sitting for my cousin, getting my wisdom teeth cut out, final exams, church events, singing with the Praise Team, ect.) and I realized that I am will be pretty busy between now and December 17th, not to mention the Christmas season and what that means work-wise (Christmastime is retail's most busy time of year).
3) I really don't like the politics and whatnot within the group. I am tired of hearing that we should try and get someone else to come in the group and replace someone else and people getting upset over stupid things like myspace profiles and business cards and such. I mean come on. Now, I'll admit that at the time I was in on some of the dramatics, but as I look back on that I now realize that it was stupid for me to worry about dumb things like that. Some people (myself included) need to grow up.

Well, enough of my ranting.

On another note, I think I am finally ready to start dating again. I mean, I've always been wanting to date and such, but I think I am at the point to where I am over the hurt that a previous relationship brought on. Yeah, I'll admit at times I still get saddened and longing for what once was (especially if I find a note from her or read our Bible verse or hear our song), but I think I have learned to move on from that. It sure has taken long enough to get over the pain and sadness and having to learn to trust people again. Like yesterday, I was going through an old cd case of mine and I found a note from her. Here is an excerpt:

"I've thought alot about you lately. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your friendship. It's so awesome to have a friend that I feel I can share anything with and bear my heart and soul to. You are a true reflection of Christ. I know you have a love for God & ministry - don't ever lose that ... I pray for for you all the time. You mean that much to me. I know you will always be a huge part of my life and I thank God for that. I don't know what future holds for us, but I know that if God is put first in our lives, He will lead us in the right direction."

Which is true...God has lead us away from each other and has lead her on to a husband and soul mate. I am very happy for her. I just wish we still were friends. I haven't seen or heard from her since January or February. She has moved away. But that is good and I am sure that God will lead her in His will for her life.

Well, it is getting late and I had better wrap this up. When I sat down to write, I didn't really know what I was going to write about. I guess I am just sort of bearing my mind and heart through this entry. If you read this, please pray for me. I feel like I need guidance right now. Not life altering guidance or anything...I just feel blah right now in life. I think I will go talk to God for a little while and see what He has to say to me.

Thanks for your time.