Cure for the Lonely Heart...

It seems like everywhere I turn, everyone I know is either dating someone or engaged to someone or marrying someone. Is there hope for the lonely hearts? There is even unexpected romances in the air. I guess it is starting to get that time of year. Thats one thing I want I guess. I want a Christmas romance. A girl that I can cuddle with under a blanket while drinking hot chocolate by a fire or go to Zoolight Safari with or just someone else to buy a present for (yeah...like I even have enough money to buy presents for the people I have to buy for). I am just lonely around this time of year I guess. I mean, my family is all great and wonderful and I have an amazing God who will never leave me or forsake me, but there is still a whole in my heart that needs to be filled...not chipped away at like it has been in the past. I wish the past would stay just that...the past! Somehow it keeps rearing its ugly head...not that those times weren't great and wonderful back then, but now they just leave an empty scar that keeps tearing at my heart everytime I get hopeful for love (and I say that term 'love' very loosely...not like Agape love or Phileo love...but more of the Eros kind of love...lol...like that "Sunday kind of love..."). I guess that I will have to remain the owner of a lonely heart for now... ::le sigh::

Wanting love,

Brian

Now it is suitable for Christmas music to be played...

Well, I hope everyone had a happy turkey day! Mine was good. I spent it with the fam. We had lunch over at my Aunt Peggie's house for my Dad's side of the fam. Afterwards, we went over to Memaw's house for supper with Mom's side of the fam.

Later, I came home and listened to some Christmas music...seeing as NOW it is suitable for Christmas music to be played. Anytime before now is utterly ridiculous in my opinion.

Speaking of Christmastime, beginning this Sunday at Mountaintop we begin our Christmas music in the services and Bill, our pastor, begins a new series leading towards Christmas.



Join us on Sundays now through December 24th as we celebrate the beauty of Christmas. Beauty is found everywhere and this Christmas you may just find it in the most unlikely of places.

We with the Music Team are doing some really cool Christmas tunes that really express Christ's love for us. I really love what God has been doing around Mountaintop. He has really shown up lately and many have began to truely experience God and the love of Christ.

I just listened to an arrangement of We Wish You A Merry Christmas that the Praise Team will be singing a capella one Wednesday night at New Community Worship (I think it is December 6th). It is really cool. It has an amazing choral sound to it. It actually reminds me of something the UAB Choir would sing.

Speaking of choir stuff, I will soon be very busy with JeffState's choirs. Here is a quick rundown of our upcoming performance calendar:

December 5 - Caroling at the Country Club of Birmingham (Chamber Choir) - 5:00 - 7:00

December 6 - Caroling at the Country Club of Birmingham (CC & Yesterday) - "" - ""

December 7 - Full Choir Concert at Bluff Park UMC - (All Choirs) - 7:00 (All are Welcome)

December 8 - Performing for Good Day Alabama at Fox6 Studio - Early

December 9 - Dress Rehearsal for Christmas at the Alys - 7:00

December 10 - Christmas at the Alys - Alys Stephens Center - 2:00 or 3:00*

* I can't remember the exact time; we will be performing with UAB Choirs and others

WHEW!! And the best part about all of this is that the week after all of this, I have final exams! Yay me! ::le sigh::

Well, it is rather late, so I think I shall retire for the evening (seeing as how I have to be up at 5:00 because I have to be at work at 6:00...hooray, it's Black Friday...one of the worst day's in retail..well, it is actually the best day for retail, but not for it's employees). Have a great weekend everyone!

Brian

A Carpe Diem Attitude...

Well, I woke up today with a sense of living today to the fullest of what God has given me to live today. In this Carpe Diem--Seize the Day--Attitude, I think I shall write a blog.

On Wednesday, I started house sitting for my cousins Matt and Lauren while they are gone to Italy for a week (lucky them...). They live over in Homewood and I'll be staying here until Tuesday of next week taking care of their HUGE Chocolate Lab named Caesar. I am muy excitado about this (for those who arent fluid in the Spanish tongue--like I am...yeah right--that means VERY EXCITED!). This is kinda a big step for me. I am going to be completely independent this week (so if you see me a bit disheveled in the coming days, you'll know why). I will have to do my own laundry, cooking, cleaning, write two research papers (one for Old Testament and one for New Testament), sing at a college conference with my fellow JeffState Singers, go to work, go to school, and have a flippin awesome movie night on Sunday (yay!). Like I said, this is a big step for me. It will help me to be more independent and when the day comes for me to move out, I will have a good trial run to go on.

Well, I just wanted to update all of you on my upcoming activities. I got a call from Memaw the other day and she wants me to go to this big art exhibit in Montgomery with her on December 1st. Some of her quilts are going to be on show and she will be demonstrating and stuff. I always like going with her to these things. Did you know that 2007 is supposed to be the year of the arts in Alabama? We'll see what comes of this.

So I think this will do for now as an update on my life. December will be very busy for me...I am kind of looking foward to this, but sort of dreading it in a way. Oh well!

Brian

Wishing you were somehow here again...

Well, I guess an update is in order.

Things have been good lately. It seems as if I went through a phase there for a while where nothing was going right. My parents almost divorced (which thank God that they are back together and all seems to be well again...i hope), I was close to finding another job (there was some drama about, but things are smashing now!), things just were not good and they were not going the way I wanted them to. But I guess that is life. There are times where we can't always get what we want. But God said that He would never leave me or forsake me. And I am thankful that he has been my rock in hard times. If it were not for Him and his provision, I probably would've broken down through the hard times. I guess it is like a song I've sang before: "Even in the hard times, even when I feel pain, my mind is made up; I'm gonna praise Him anyways."

On another note, I dislike pridefulness. I thought of saying right there that I don't like prideful people, but I like the people, I just don't like it when they are prideful about things. Musicians are the worst. I am sorry to anyone who reads this if I have ever been prideful in any manor towards you. Please forgive me, I'm only human...which I also realize about other people as well. I just feel that I need to write about this. So not to long ago I sat through my first "Ego meeting" (thats EGO, not EGGO--the breakfast food--is that really considered a waffle anymore?). I was sitting there listening to reasons why I should stay in a group that had lost its passion. Or should I say, its passion has become its purpose. What once was a good thing, turned sour. It stopped being passionate about the music and became more focused on money and what not. I guess you could label the reason I am leaving is for "creative differences" or something. No, I take that back. I am leaving because I don't want to pursue a career in that quartet. Now, before you go and jump to conclusions, I would like to state my reasons for leaving this group. I don't care what you say about me because of this. This is just how I feel. My reasons:
1) As stated above, the group lost its passion for the music and the groups purpose (to make money) started to become its passion.
2) As the end of the year approaches, my life becomes more hectic. I dont feel as if I can commit to all the events that the group wants to do (caroling and other "gigs") as well as the bi-weekly practice which I must drive a ways to do so. So timing is an issue for me right now. I sat down this weekend and looked at my calendar and what events I am "booked" for (various choir performances, work events, house sitting for my cousin, getting my wisdom teeth cut out, final exams, church events, singing with the Praise Team, ect.) and I realized that I am will be pretty busy between now and December 17th, not to mention the Christmas season and what that means work-wise (Christmastime is retail's most busy time of year).
3) I really don't like the politics and whatnot within the group. I am tired of hearing that we should try and get someone else to come in the group and replace someone else and people getting upset over stupid things like myspace profiles and business cards and such. I mean come on. Now, I'll admit that at the time I was in on some of the dramatics, but as I look back on that I now realize that it was stupid for me to worry about dumb things like that. Some people (myself included) need to grow up.

Well, enough of my ranting.

On another note, I think I am finally ready to start dating again. I mean, I've always been wanting to date and such, but I think I am at the point to where I am over the hurt that a previous relationship brought on. Yeah, I'll admit at times I still get saddened and longing for what once was (especially if I find a note from her or read our Bible verse or hear our song), but I think I have learned to move on from that. It sure has taken long enough to get over the pain and sadness and having to learn to trust people again. Like yesterday, I was going through an old cd case of mine and I found a note from her. Here is an excerpt:

"I've thought alot about you lately. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your friendship. It's so awesome to have a friend that I feel I can share anything with and bear my heart and soul to. You are a true reflection of Christ. I know you have a love for God & ministry - don't ever lose that ... I pray for for you all the time. You mean that much to me. I know you will always be a huge part of my life and I thank God for that. I don't know what future holds for us, but I know that if God is put first in our lives, He will lead us in the right direction."

Which is true...God has lead us away from each other and has lead her on to a husband and soul mate. I am very happy for her. I just wish we still were friends. I haven't seen or heard from her since January or February. She has moved away. But that is good and I am sure that God will lead her in His will for her life.

Well, it is getting late and I had better wrap this up. When I sat down to write, I didn't really know what I was going to write about. I guess I am just sort of bearing my mind and heart through this entry. If you read this, please pray for me. I feel like I need guidance right now. Not life altering guidance or anything...I just feel blah right now in life. I think I will go talk to God for a little while and see what He has to say to me.

Thanks for your time.